Only in the USA!

I came across this hysterical article that really drives my point home in a video I made very recently. I will add that below if you didnt catch it.

HT to Dleeb for bringing us this funny to read and enjoy today!

~~~

Today I woke up, looked in the mirror and was surprised to see a woman staring back at me, I thought where did my beard go? Why am I no longer bald?

Then I remembered. Only in the USA!

Then I asked do I like men or do I like women?

So now am I trans queer or a trans lesbian?

Oh how I was confused all day.

The next day I woke up and I was no longer staring at a woman but now looking back at me was a man who was once a woman but turned back into a man? So I asked. If I'm a MtFtM what am I?

Then I chuckled and remembered... only in the USA!

Then I was rife with confusion. Am I gay? Am I straight? Oh the confusion... im now a gay lesbisn gay transgendered male to female to male queer.

Oh boy when I tell you I was confused that was truly an understatement.

I woke up on the third day. I feared looking into the mirror because I could just tell I felt different today.

I was frightened by what I saw! I was looking at a man who transitioned to a woman who transitioned back into a male but now... I was a drag queen and somehow I had pronouns tattooed on my forehead. Not only was I now a drag queen who was formerly a man but inside I was a woman who was really a gay bisexual lesbian queer genderfluid man. But now I identified myself as a drag queen with what I can only describe as multiple personalities. Why else would my pronouns be They/them? The only logical explanation was clearly DID.

Then I chuckled and reminded myself only in the USA!

When I awoke on the 4th day I was dreading looking into that mirror. I knew it was only going to get crazier from here. One day male, one day male to female, the following, male to female to male. The next male to female to male to drag queen with DID. This next day was a doozy. And before I tell you, let me remind you, only in the US of A!

So now I can only identify myself as a fully transitioned male to female who has fully transitioned to being a male who has successfully become a drag queen with multiple personalities who has finally transitioned into a gay gender fluid penguin who clearly identifies as a bald eagle.

Boy was I even now more confused than before. Am I delusional? Well no. My pre-k sex Ed bicurious female to male teacher brought us to the local glory hole for drag queen story hour where he/they/himshe told us thems just got done servicing 48 men and I could be whatever I wanted.

I shook my head and reminded myself this was all normal of course! Only in the US of A!

I felt a bit confused but I remembered what my very well trained clinical master psychiatrist male to female madam Dr. Shim taught me at the ripe old responsible age of 7. She said if I feel like a woman even just a little bit because woman have nipples and I have nipples then it was time for my breast implants, vaginoplasty, and puberty blockers. Because afterall Dr. Shim said my pronouns were now She/it/they/we. Dr. Shim also told me to remember to take my zoloft, kolonopin, Paxil, Valium, Ativan, Prozac, welbutrin, and ritalin meds everyday to clear up any confusion I may have. She/It said I should call these my happy pills and they'd guide me through life and make me happy being me and expressing my inner womanhood. So I took my happy pills and I accepted my inner lesbian penguin who identified as a gay trans eagle.

Oh the confusion! I told myself on that fifth and what I hoped would be my final day. I didn't know if today I was going to try to fly again and break my wing. I didn't know if I was going to waddle across the antarctic ice to take that faithful leap. I didn't know if I was a drag queen ready to perform for all those drooling older men who threw money at me while I performed exotica for them. I didn't know if I was going to be peeing standing up or sitting down. Which bathroom was i going to use? Oh man all this confusion was giving me a headache and I hadn't even made it to that mirror yet.

I got out of bed, reluctantly, for I feared what I was going to wind up today. To my horror when I stepped in front of that mirror it wasn't just 1 mirror that was there but 4 additional mirrors. In each one I saw all my different reflections from my previous days. Then I remembered the brilliant wise words Dr. Shim had told me. If It walked like a duck, talked like a man, and identified as a genderfluid gender rights lesbian pro abortion activist then you're doing it correctly.

I breathed a huge sigh of relief and took my happy pills. I thought I was going crazy afterall... then I remembered this is the USA.

Confused? Well you're just being transphobic and not accepting the real me. Don't be a racist bigot. Afterall this is only the USA!

 

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  •  YIG do you think it is because this generation X is so self abosrbed-entitled and narcissistic? My generation was rebellious but it seemed very different from what is going on now.

    I call it the offendable generation. They are thin skinned and offeneded about EVERYTHING. It is all about ME ME ME.

    FWIW I don't understand any of it but I am straight after all so there ya go.

    LOVE YOU YIG

    • I really dont know Lauren. I was born late 50's, so even though I was around in the 60's I was really to young to participate, but knew enough to know something major was going on. 70's everyone was so whacked out they couldnt get out of their own way. 80's brought us disco, cocaine and Quaaludes.

      People were having babies through all that. So kids saw their parents messed up, ( Im generally speaking here) I think those parents wanted to raise their kids with more of the freedoms they thought they were denied to them when they were growing up. Didnt want to be the meanie mom that practiced discipline, they wanted to be the Cool mom. So a lot of the basics got missed out. Plus enter MTV.

      The Gay movement was picking up speed to come out of the closet and be yourself, to hell with what others think. A lot of different movements doing the same thing with their own flavor of choice. These also picked up speed in their own way. Gangster Rap etc etc. The Internet was born into the mass population.

      Now those kids are having their own kids, but Technology came along. Those kids are now pretty much left to their own. Enter FB, Twitter, and all the videos on any subject you can think of and kids Still want to be the cool kid and their parents are just to busy with their own lives. So what do kids do? Same as always, find other kids that feel the same way and fend for themselves.

      Sooo, I think a lot of it stems from what WE actually did. A lot of no oversight, but we were still Cool (sigh) and here we are.

  • I think I got a headache about the same time you did, Yig....Haaaaaa  Love it  !!

    • Lol most likely! :)

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